End of the line sexwork?
Lady Melody reflectsEnd of the line sexwork?
We’ve probably all heard it a hundred times already: sex work, that’s the ultimate downfall, after that your life is over. I most recently read it—of all places—on Fetlife, written by a woman who has never been a sex worker herself, but still feels the need to share her little pearls of wisdom with the world. She knows for sure: working as a sex worker is useless for later life, future employers will find out and never, ever hire you. Most likely, you’ll end up with severe trauma or a sexually transmitted disease.
Since my time at Lux was already six years ago, I want to take a look back at how everything supposedly went downhill for me. When I worked at Lux in 2015, I was training to become a psychotherapist. A training that, unfortunately, comes with exploitation: full-time unpaid internships alongside hefty tuition fees. Although 90% of trainees are women, Alice Schwarzer has yet to start a campaign against this exploitation of women. Strange. Some of my colleagues had to take on large debts for their training, others worked weekends as waitresses, giving up their private lives for years (for €10 an hour). I was a dominatrix (for €200 an hour). As the final exams approached, I ended sex work—without trauma, without an STD. The supposed psychological damage sex work allegedly causes? Despite extensive self-tests, I haven’t found it to this day.
After my training, I quickly became self-employed. I was able to build up a patient base faster than most of my colleagues—because while our training covered plenty about mental disorders, it taught us nothing about marketing, building an online presence or website, or starting out in private practice. Most of what I knew about that, I learned at Lux. And whether I’m promoting my work as a dominatrix or as a psychotherapist online, it’s ultimately not that different. What else I learned at Lux: setting clear boundaries. Acting authoritatively when necessary. Confidence. I am the dominatrix—uh, therapist—and what I do is right. Whether in salary negotiations, in difficult therapy situations, or in meetings: if the situation calls for it, I can always call on my inner dominatrix. In 2018, I received a health insurance license, long before anyone else in my cohort. Probably because many didn’t trust themselves with the responsibility or feared the financial investment. But the luxurious setting of Lux and the guests’ responses also taught me that even costly investments can pay off quickly.
Last but not least, sex work also helped me learn more about sexuality, which in turn gave me more empathy when patients shamefully tell me about their desires. Whether I heard about a guest’s fantasies at Lux and tried to make them a reality, or I hear about a patient’s fantasies and give advice—it’s ultimately not so far apart.
So to sum it up, I have to say: yes, sex work really was the end for me. The end of minimum-wage side jobs, the end of being unable to promote myself, the end of fearing self-employment, and the end of sexual prejudice. I would recommend it to any young person considering sex work. Even if, for many of us, including myself, it’s not a lifetime job—the things you learn from it are invaluable for the rest of your career.
Dear Lady Melody,
Thank you for enriching us with your presence. We wish you all the best on your journey ahead.
Warm regards,
The LUX Team