A guide to a hotly debated question
BDSM professionals work with deposits to secure appointments and protect resources such as time, space, and preparation. Deposits in the BDSM field are legally permissible and standard practice—similar to photographers or therapists. Serious providers communicate conditions transparently, choose appropriate amounts, and offer fair policies. Guests should read the terms, ask questions when unsure, and trust their instincts. At BDSM Studio LUX, deposits are voluntary, discreet, and handled professionally.
Few topics in professional BDSM cause as much controversy as deposits. In niche forums, the subject is discussed endlessly, and on Reddit as well as within the dominatrix community, it remains a hot topic.
Clients worry about scams, while professionals want to use their time effectively instead of waiting for fake bookings.
Let’s take a closer look at when deposits make sense and how to distinguish serious BDSM providers from unreliable offers.
Why does a dominatrix take a deposit?
It’s worth taking a moment to look at the working reality of a modern BDSM professional.
In our field, you’ll find many different people with many different motivations:
- highly professional business dominatrices
- students who occasionally earn extra income
- BDSM enthusiasts who turn their passion into professional play
- lifestyle dominatrices who welcome guests from time to time
- single parents who need flexible planning
- submissive-leaning practitioners who require recovery phases
- …
The reasons for working as a BDSM professional are diverse, just like the available time and the resources invested. And with that, we’re already getting much closer to the heart of the matter.
Deposits protect resources.
A major reason for deposits in a BDSM studio is the management of available resources.
Specifically: time, studio rental, travel, and work preparation in advance of a session.
A dominatrix who needs to book and pay for a playroom in advance, arrange childcare, travel a longer distance, or receives many requests for limited time slots is far more likely to require a deposit than a colleague who is frequently available on-site and spends more time waiting for clients in the studio.
The wheat & the chaff
Another reason for a deposit is that it is a proven way to separate the serious clients from the, let’s say, emotionally and logistically demanding ones. A guest who communicates politely, reliably, and respectfully immediately appears far more trustworthy than someone who already behaves like a self-important aristocrat during scheduling.
Most of our guests are kind, polite, often nervous, sometimes unsure or inexperienced. However, the social stigma surrounding sex work affects us too, and yes, there really are the others: the difficult ones, the demanding ones, the all-consuming ones. In short, the clients who stand out unpleasantly in any service industry. It is still a service job, after all.
I am a dominatrix, not waiting-line entertainment.
From my own experience, I can say this: deposits make my life predictable and simple, and they allow me to prepare perfectly for every BDSM session. When I still worked with on-site hours in the BDSM studio, I only accepted appointments without a deposit during my presence times and always required a confirmation from the guest. I also communicated clearly that the appointment would be given away if another guest confirmed with a deposit first.
Exception: reliable regulars that I personally know and trust.
Outside of those hours, or for sessions with greater planning effort, such as kidnapping roleplays or double sessions, nothing happened without an appropriate deposit.
For me, this has always been a proven strategy to protect my time and resources while still meeting the desires and fantasies of my guests. However, it only worked because I was fortunate enough not to have to pay for room reservations. Many other dominatrix colleagues do not have this luxury.
Work reality: cost risk and no-shows
By now, many workplaces for BDSM have shifted the full financial risk of no-shows onto the service providers and sell daily room rentals. These fees must be paid even if no session takes place. The pressure on sex workers increases: appointments absolutely have to happen in order to avoid falling into a cost trap or even debt. Under those conditions, it clearly makes sense to request a deposit.
Here at Studio LUX, we do not use such practices. Our rental prices are fair, transparent, and the business risk is carried by the studio, not the BDSM professionals.
Personal capacity and availability
Another factor is personal availability. A submissive BDSM provider may not be able to take on many sessions, no matter how high the demand is. Her way of working requires longer recovery phases. Still, she depends on reliable appointments, because her living expenses exist either way.
Another colleague may only have very limited time windows to schedule BDSM sessions, due to family or professional commitments. For her, working with a deposit is naturally the more sensible choice.
Legal basis for deposits in BDSM
So what does the legal situation look like? Is it allowed to simply take a deposit for a BDSM service?
The short answer is: yes. Especially among self-employed professionals, it is very common to agree on deposits. From wedding photography to fitness trainers, therapists, or more extensive hair appointments, deposits are standard practice.
Important note / disclaimer
Although I look excellent playing a judge in full robe during BDSM roleplay, a disclaimer is still necessary here:
The content of this article has been created with the greatest care. It is intended solely for general information and does not replace individual legal advice. No guarantee is given for the accuracy, completeness, or current relevance of the content. I assume no liability for any damages resulting from the use of the information presented here. For specific legal questions, please consult a lawyer you trust.
What applies legally (in Germany)
Legally, a deposit is considered an advance payment by the client. It is part of the agreed price that the client pays in advance. $362 BGB
A deposit is requested by self-employed professionals as security if the client does not fulfill the agreed service contract, in this case appearing for the BDSM appointment. In many contracts, the deposit must be returned if the client cancels.
However, there are exceptions for services, because work that has already been performed, such as planning and resource allocation, cannot simply be taken back. In such cases, the deposit can be retained as compensation for work already done and as damages, for example due to lost income.
This is regulated in §346 and §615 BGB.
Put simply
Yes, deposits are not only common but also legally permitted, and they serve as compensation if you, as a guest, do not fulfill your part of the agreement, meaning you cancel or do not show up. This payment covers the preparation and working time already invested and the lost income, since no other BDSM session could be booked for that slot.
In theory, a dominatrix could even charge the full session fee if you fail to appear on very short notice.
What professionals need to pay attention to
As a dominatrix, you need to ensure that your deposit policy is communicated transparently and remains reasonable. The deposit you keep may not exceed the actual loss incurred.
In practice, this means: a deposit should only be as high as the preparation and advance work involved, and an early cancellation does not automatically justify charging 100 percent of the BDSM session fee.
Example: if you receive a 300 € deposit for a one-hour session scheduled in four weeks, and the guest cancels 14 days in advance, it is usually not legally defensible to keep the full amount. However, you can bill for the work you have already done:
- Arrange a location
- Create the BDSM session plan
- Clarify content and preferences with the guest
These preparatory efforts may be compensated.
Practice: how deposits are actually handled
Deposits are becoming increasingly common in the BDSM world, although they are not always implemented well or communicated transparently.
Transparent communication and expectations
A serious provider will inform you about the conditions at the latest when requesting the deposit. Ideally, you will already find a general policy on the dominatrix or bizarr lady website or profile. However, it is legally perfectly acceptable if she informs you only later.
But a word of caution: not receiving an explanation does not automatically give you carte blanche. Standard business rules always apply, and they can be enforced in court. Whether it actually comes to that is another matter entirely.
Refunds and cancellations in practice
If no additional agreement has been made and the deposit is reasonable (for example up to 30 to 40 percent of the total amount) and you cancel on short notice (about 2 to 4 days in advance, depending on the provider’s working style), you will usually have a hard time claiming a refund.
If you simply do not show up or cancel on the same day, you are generally out of luck.
Tiered cancellation policies and alternative appointments
Tiered cancellation conditions are absolutely acceptable, but they must always be communicated in advance. They should also be justifiable, although as mentioned, legal disputes are unlikely and the costs of going to court usually exceed the value of the deposit by far.
It is also common to find terms that require scheduling a replacement appointment if the cancellation happens early enough. It may look like this:
"If you cancel up to 4 days before our appointment, the deposit will be applied once to another appointment within 6 weeks."
This is permitted, because by booking the BDSM session you already entered into a contract and you are given another opportunity to fulfill your part of that agreement. If you do not take that opportunity, then quite frankly, you are simply out of luck.
Templates for dominatrix deposit communication
The wording for deposits in the BDSM context can vary depending on your working style. Here are some examples you can adapt to your own policies:
Simple deposit
Deposit & appointment security
To secure the agreed appointment and cover preparatory work, a deposit of [x] percent of the session tribute is required. Payment is due immediately after scheduling. The appointment is considered firmly reserved only once the deposit has been received.
Deposit with cancellation terms
Cancellation terms and cancellation fees
In case the client cancels or is unable to attend, the following cancellation rules apply based on the full BDSM session tribute:
- Cancellation up to [x] days before the appointment: 0 percent cancellation fee → deposit will be fully refunded
- Cancellation within [x] to [y] days before the appointment: 50 percent cancellation fee
- Cancellation within the last [z] days or no-show: 100 percent cancellation fee
A deposit already paid will be applied accordingly.
Deposit with rescheduling policy
Rescheduling policy
If the appointment is cancelled more than [x] days in advance, a one-time replacement appointment may be scheduled. This must be arranged and taken within [x] weeks.
If the client confirms the replacement appointment in writing, the deposit remains valid. If the replacement appointment is declined or not used, the deposit is forfeited.
Note
I want to clearly point out once again: all information is provided without guarantee and you use it at your own responsibility. You are welcome to have the wording reviewed by a legal professional, better safe than sorry. And yes, I may look fabulous in a judge’s robe during BDSM play, but this is a BDSM studio, not a legal service platform.
What happens if the dominatrix cancels?
In this case, there is fundamentally no basis to keep the deposit, regardless of whether internal costs have already been incurred. If you, as the BDSM service provider, cancel, the deposit must be refunded. Period.
Of course, you may offer a replacement appointment. If your guest accepts it, you may apply the deposit to the new session. If the guest chooses not to, you must return the deposit. There is no entitlement to force someone to accept a rescheduled appointment.
This also applies if you have to cancel for reasons unrelated to your guest: illness, family obligations, studio issues, emergencies, etc. Whoever cancels, returns the money. It is that simple.
For the sake of completeness:
In theory, a guest could claim damages, for example travel expenses already incurred. In practice, this is almost never enforceable, because it would require proving clear negligence by the BDSM provider, which is realistically very difficult.
Another point to consider: our industry and the nature of BDSM services raise additional legal questions. Example: what happens if a guest behaves disrespectfully or crosses boundaries on site and the session is refused for that reason?
The same applies here: we may refuse to conduct a session and still charge for it if boundaries are violated. The right to sexual self-determination, to the best of my knowledge, outweighs contract law. No one is obligated to provide intimate or physical services if the situation does not feel right or safe.
However, at this point we are already entering theoretical territory that almost never becomes relevant in practice and is probably better suited for bizarre law school exam hypotheticals than for real BDSM studio life.
In short: we also carry responsibility. Those who expect professionalism must offer it in return. Fairness works both ways.
So how do we handle deposits in practice?
Discretion and efficiency
The biggest hurdles when transferring deposits are speed (preferably immediate) and maintaining anonymity. Sex workers have strong and valid reasons to protect their real identity. Stalkers, data leaks in shady client forums, and social stigma are the main concerns.
Clients also worry about being outed. What if their accountant sees a payment to a well-known dominatrix studio? Panic potential. The recently introduced mandatory name-matching for bank transfers does not make things any easier.
When cash payment is not possible
If handing over the deposit in cash beforehand is not possible, indirect payment options are often used. Popular methods include instant payment services like PayPal, gift cards, and, in rare cases, cryptocurrency.
Why PayPal and similar services are risky
From personal experience, I strongly advise every BDSM colleague to avoid PayPal and similar services. Processing anything even remotely related to erotic services or BDSM bookings is strictly prohibited there. Accounts get frozen at the slightest suspicion, and existing balances are held. You can only request a payout at some later point, under unclear conditions, and the funds from your BDSM deposit might never be released.
Vouchers, anonymous but tax-tricky
Vouchers are easier: they can be purchased and handed over anonymously. However, for the BDSM provider, the question of taxation arises. Things get complicated when calculating income, and the key point is:
Items purchased with a voucher cannot also be claimed again as business expenses. And rent or electricity bills are usually difficult to pay in vouchers.
Cryptocurrency: theory vs. reality
Whenever you talk about sex work and anonymous payments with any group of people, sooner or later someone will start praising cryptocurrency.
In theory, yes. In practice, rarely relevant. Among clients it is uncommon to unknown, and even within the circle of BDSM providers it is not always easy to correctly declare crypto payments for tax purposes or to use them in a practical and meaningful way.
How do I avoid scams when paying a deposit?
Recognising legitimate providers
As so often, the answer is: check carefully before you commit. Get an overall impression of the dominatrix or BDSM provider you intend to book:
- Does she have a professional website (for example with legal imprint information)?
- Does she address deposits proactively and transparently?
- Does she answer reasonable questions clearly and respectfully?
- Where does she work? Since when?
- How does communication feel?
- What is your gut feeling during the BDSM booking process?
Transparency and communication
Remember: there are many valid reasons to request a deposit. It is completely legitimate for you to ask about the conditions. However, it is just as legitimate for a dominatrix to expect you to read the information on her website if it is already provided there.
If you cannot attend a booked BDSM session that you have paid a deposit for, cancel immediately or request to reschedule.
If it isn't a fit, move on
If the amount, the conditions, or simply the existence of a deposit does not feel right to you, move on. No one forces you to pay a deposit, and you can always try your luck with another BDSM provider.
Often, not proceeding with an appointment is in the best interest of both sides.
Also keep in mind: requesting a deposit does not say anything about your character or reliability.
It has far less to do with mistrust and far more to do with smart resource management and professional working conditions in BDSM services.
How do we handle deposits at LUX?
As always, the same principle applies here: all LUX team members are self-employed professionals and make decisions that fit their own working style. There is no studio-wide obligation to request a deposit.
All LUX practitioners do, however, have the option to process session deposits for BDSM sessions in the studio through the LUX account. This keeps both sides discreet and anonymous, and the transaction is handled transparently and professionally.
And you can trust this: at Studio LUX you will only meet fantastic, well-trained BDSM providers, all personally selected by me.
Would you like to see for yourself and plan a BDSM session? Then take a look at our team and find the right dominatrix for your experience: